Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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