We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
