So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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