i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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