I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
