I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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