I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
