so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
