You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
