what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
