I hate all girls vehemently.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
