I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
