K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
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I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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