Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
