Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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