Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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