I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
