I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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