everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
