Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
