I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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