And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
