The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
