had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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