I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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