At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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