I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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