Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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