thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
