How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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