i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize