So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
