It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think i have two assholes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
