come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
