Someone shit on the floor
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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