1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
