i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
