I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
