So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
