Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

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  (904): I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/ub1d
  Replies (16) Good night (3496) Bad night (1350)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

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  (937): He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst? http://tfl.nu/5xe1
  Replies (67) Good night (1816) Bad night (26112)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2503) Bad night (10163)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

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  (518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s
  Replies (13) Good night (8235) Bad night (1330)
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  (562): View more from California

  youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.

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  (562): youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period. http://tfl.nu/nfk9
  Replies (10) Good night (3079) Bad night (1095)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE

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  (480): I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE http://tfl.nu/wmq4
  Replies (5) Good night (2427) Bad night (1284)
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  (310): View more from California

  we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.

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  (310): we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic. http://tfl.nu/v0qg
  Replies (9) Good night (1292) Bad night (3057)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.

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  (614): Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty. http://tfl.nu/ysw1
  Replies (3) Good night (1069) Bad night (436)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again

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  (240): All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again http://tfl.nu/54xi
  Replies (5) Good night (1389) Bad night (394)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.

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  (702): Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet. http://tfl.nu/3amu
  Replies (0) Good night (331) Bad night (669)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.

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  (856): I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing. http://tfl.nu/phds
  Replies (1) Good night (774) Bad night (326)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow

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  (618): My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow http://tfl.nu/gob3
  Replies (1) Good night (326) Bad night (499)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.

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  (330): I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr. http://tfl.nu/4w4h
  Replies (1) Good night (829) Bad night (323)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right

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  (+44): Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right http://tfl.nu/y3am
  Replies (2) Good night (369) Bad night (256)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?

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  (217): Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob? http://tfl.nu/m7ja
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (196)

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