Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!

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  (248): Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks! http://tfl.nu/xdy8
  Replies (7) Good night (1457) Bad night (794)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

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  (206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko
  Replies (41) Good night (8872) Bad night (1056)
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  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

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  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4789) Bad night (1289)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

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  (505): She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night. http://tfl.nu/d1vk
  Replies (5) Good night (3893) Bad night (1229)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?

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  (906): If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her? http://tfl.nu/jtlb
  Replies (10) Good night (3165) Bad night (1626)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

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  (303): Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call. http://tfl.nu/oew3
  Replies (5) Good night (3477) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun

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  (315): Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun http://tfl.nu/t9ze
  Replies (20) Good night (1013) Bad night (4892)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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  (702): Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom. http://tfl.nu/iz3f
  Replies (23) Good night (1108) Bad night (4792)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

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  (304): as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now. http://tfl.nu/olha
  Replies (8) Good night (3657) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers

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  (603): Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers http://tfl.nu/0i28
  Replies (5) Good night (1898) Bad night (823)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?

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  (314): I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go? http://tfl.nu/u68l
  Replies (1) Good night (1743) Bad night (637)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots

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  (610): We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots http://tfl.nu/1mi3
  Replies (6) Good night (1696) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (+34): View more from Spain

  Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?

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  (+34): Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band? http://tfl.nu/qwzc
  Replies (0) Good night (634) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.

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  (207): I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks. http://tfl.nu/yh0t
  Replies (3) Good night (821) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  "You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever

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  (508): "You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever http://tfl.nu/zbaa
  Replies (3) Good night (220) Bad night (441)

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