how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i am craving dick and cupcakes