Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.

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  (313): I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan. http://tfl.nu/kp2g
  Replies (31) Good night (799) Bad night (2645)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?

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  (301): do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning? http://tfl.nu/rfsi
  Replies (55) Good night (4850) Bad night (502)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup

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  (724): he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup http://tfl.nu/zlwx
  Replies (19) Good night (8021) Bad night (684)
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  (760): View more from California

  I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass

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  (760): I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass http://tfl.nu/6hj6
  Replies (29) Good night (5918) Bad night (1192)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.

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  (973): do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again. http://tfl.nu/k33f
  Replies (4) Good night (1334) Bad night (2372)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

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  (61): Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed http://tfl.nu/qr9l
  Replies (10) Good night (4647) Bad night (940)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!

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  (435): he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?! http://tfl.nu/3uuq
  Replies (19) Good night (1302) Bad night (3695)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?

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  (407): I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right? http://tfl.nu/v5fc
  Replies (11) Good night (1662) Bad night (1043)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.

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  (912): thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit. http://tfl.nu/e0ki
  Replies (12) Good night (1183) Bad night (817)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option

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  (734): There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option http://tfl.nu/svkl
  Replies (4) Good night (764) Bad night (332)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions

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  (979): Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions http://tfl.nu/nh9u
  Replies (3) Good night (258) Bad night (415)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.

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  (612): My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly. http://tfl.nu/orbs
  Replies (0) Good night (347) Bad night (220)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.

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  (510): There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do. http://tfl.nu/onee
  Replies (2) Good night (419) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere

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  (614): Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere http://tfl.nu/d5we
  Replies (1) Good night (805) Bad night (351)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.

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  (609): I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is. http://tfl.nu/eqk8
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (537)

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