I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
