Already got asked if we're dating
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
