toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
