yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
