You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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