OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
