two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
