Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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