I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
