at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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