goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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