i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
