i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
