i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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