I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
