I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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