i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
