I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
