I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
