Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
