I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
