I can text with my tongue
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
