Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
