I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
